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Hitokiri Akins

[ website | My work on fanfiction.net ]
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Betrayal [Nov. 19th, 2009|11:22 am]
[Current Mood | Full of Rage]
[Current Music |Murdertrain by Dethklok]

The subject line requires a little explanation. You see, I met a girl through a kotorfanmedia. At first, we were using each other to bounce ideas back and forth for our stories. Then, at my suggestion, we started telling about ourselves through email, and then through msn messenger, through her suggestion. Through time, we started developing mild romantic feelings toward each other, though unintentionally on both our parts. I wasn't willing to admit to those feelings to myself, and neither did she, until one night I was depressed, and she said something that, in my mind, admitted her feelings for me. I called her on it, and she got confused, and she tried to end things before they started. I started to push, admitting to my own feelings in the process, and she told me to fuck off(not in those exact words, but you get the idea.) Well, she pushed me away harder, saying I had no chance with her, and that hurt. It took some time, but I got over it, until she said something that gave me a little hope; That she tends to push people away before she gets hurt, and she wants to try with me. I get my hopes up. Then she gets suicidal, and avoids me like the plague. I tried supporting her, tried to give her a reason to live, and she avoids me.

Finally, she leaves a message on kotorfanmedia, saying she is abandoning her fanfic, even though she loves it. I email her, telling her I am worried about her. She emails me back, saying she's fine, and will be, so long as I don't bother her. She said I've tainted her fanfic and everything she enjoyed about it. That was a slap to the fucking face. I was trying to be friendly, I was trying to show I care about her, and she does exactly what she said she didn't want to do; push me away "for her own good".

The thing that bugs me most about this was 2 things; her lies and the fact that she strung me along like I am nothing more than some pissant little high school kid. For fuck's sake, she's 20; the time to play those games is over. Hell, those games are not right to play in high school, because they hurt innocent people. Like I was.

And the lie that said she wanted to try to have something with me. The thing that gets me most is the fact of how I would have treated her. If something would have happened, I would have treated her like a queen, a goddess. I would have given her everything her heart desired and more. I would have shown such love and devotion to her that she would ask God daily what she did to deserve someone like me. And, while I am a little inexperienced in the bedroom, I consider that somewhat advantageous as well. You see, I could tailor my lovemaking to her; no preconceived notions of what women like, so no doing something I think she would like have her taken out of the mood because of it.

She was selfish to push me away like that. She was selfish to say that I tainted something she loved doing. But, most of all, she was selfish when she lied to me. I didn't deserve to be treated that way. I deserved better than that. I know this sounds selfish, but while she deserved me, I don't deserve her. I deserve better that how that girl 7 years my junior would have treated me.

I know I'll be fine. Doing up this journal entry has been VERY theraputic; helping me bleed off my anger into a relatively public forum. And the hope that selfish cunt may see this one day fills me with a little joy; I didn't want to abandon her, but she did exactly what she said she was going to do; push me away. She forced me into lying; I said I would never let her push me away; that I would always be there for her, whether a relationship happened or not. I am loyal to my friends and family, no matter what. But she didn't even want to be my friend. Her fucking loss.

And the fact that I watched the video I have below helped bleed off anger and allowed me to think straight.



"You shouldn't have betrayed me. You could have been my queen. Now, you have left me alone."
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Video Game Review [Nov. 8th, 2009|10:50 pm]
[Tags|]
[Current Mood | amused]

I know I'm going to be labeled a perv for admitting I own this, but tonight's review is for Rumble Roses XX for the Xbox 360. First off, this game is NOT a porn game; one, it wouldn't have an M rating, and two, it wouldn't be on the Xbox 360. That said, it was made for a male crowd. I will readily admit that. An all female wrestling game is definitively made for a male audience. But then, so is a WWE wrestling game.

Oh, and any innuendo in this review is unintentional.

Rumble Roses XX is a stripped down remake of the PS2 game Rumble Roses. It has all of the same characters, all of the same built in rivalries, all of the same game mechanics, but without the cheesy storyline. It's basically an arcade version of the PS2 game, with better graphics and more unlockables.

First off, the graphics. The game is BEAUTIFUL! The lighting is great, the movements are fluid, and the ladies are rendered realistically. And the moves you pull off look like something that a wrestler should be able to do.

Second, the music. While I'm not a fan of all the songs, the entrance themes fit each character. From the punk school girl, to the "hot for teacher" teacher, to the kunoichi, to the cowgirl, every character has a theme that fits her.

Here's a sample of one of my favorite characters;



Next is controls. Moves are very easy to pull off, but the controls are a little loose. More than once I've had my character keep moving after I stop pressing a direction, though I do wonder if this is just my copy, since I bought it used. And it's very hard to cancel out of a run as well; I've ran across the ring by accident when I meant to elbow drop someone right next to me. EDIT: It's my controller, because I'm having similar problems with Dragon Age.

Hit detection is pretty good. Punches and kicks don't go through a character, nor do they hit beyond their reach. Same with the grapple system, but what do you expect from Yuke, the people who've been making the smackdown series for almost a decade?

This game is slightly limited in characters; only 11 characters. But, each wrestler has a face and heel version(good and bad version for you non-wrestling fans); artificially doubling the amount of characters in the game. But, each character is unique in attitude and moveset. Heck, even the heel version are different than the face versions.

Now, for the game system. The main thing about this game are two things; the reversals and the humiliation gage. Reversals are easy to pull off; just hit the Right Button and the punch button to reverse a punch, and the RB and grapple to reverse a grapple. You must do this just before those are supposed to connect, or else the move goes through.  The humiliations gage fills up when you perform moves that are humiliating to your oponent, and vice versa.  When you fill your opponents humiliation meter, you can perform a humiliation finisher; a submission move that looks both painful and dirty.

Next is the voice talent; all these women have talented voice actors for them, though some of them don't sound right to my ears. For example, while Wendee Lee is a great voice actress, her voice doesn't fit a hispanic/british doctor themed wrestler. However, others, like Jessica Straus, who voices Dixie Clemets, the three count cowgirl, fit their character well. But, the first game did that too; gave the wrong voice to the wrong character. But, when you've watched as much anime as I have, you tend to develop an ear for these things.

The match types are pretty standard. There's the single match, the tag team match, three way, four way, and two on ones. They have titles for both the single and tag matches, so that's the main focus of the game. They also have single match variations; street fight and Queen's match. Street fight is as it sounds; a fight outside on the street. This is the only match that is won by knockout, and not by pinfall or submission. The Queen's match is where the game starts to get pervy; you wrestle in swim wear, (sometimes very skimpy swimwear, depending on the character), and the loser has to perform a humiliation action afterward. I'm not going to focus on the pervy match, however.

This game is hurt, however, by it's lack of storymode and character creation; 2 staples of the modern wrestling game. Granted, the WWE story modes are incredibly cheesy, but at least it's there. Heck, even in the original Rumble Roses, it had story modes; extensive story modes. I had to go on the internet to find out why Dixie and Aisha have a rivalry. For someone who hasn't played the PS2 game, this hurt the game.

The create a wrestler, or CAW, aspect of the game is lacking as well. It lacks true customization; all the girls you can create have the same face, and the costumes need to be purchased with in game currency.

Which brings me to the unlockables; mostly costumes, but they do have 2 wrestlers you have to unlock, and you can unlock concept art as well. It takes a LONG time to unlock things however, because how how damn expensive the items are. Also, some of the costumes have some odd conditions to unlock as well.

As for pervy aspects of this game, you can take photos of your character; you can zoom in on about anything, and many people who posted pictures have. But, the photos aren't porn; they are no worse than what you see in a Sports Illustrated Swimsuit issue.

Rumble Roses can get pervy at times, but when it comes down to it, it's an okay wrestling game. While it's main draw is T&A, once the pervy appeal is gone, you're left with a game with an okay engine. It's not the best, but it's also not the worst. And, if you're a wrestling fan but haven't been watching the WWE in a long time, you don't have to worry about not knowing a bunch of characters you've never seen. Everybody's new to me, but that was okay.

With that; I leave you with two things; a video of a tag match, and one statement.




Fuck microtransactions. Check out this game's Xbox Live DLC, and you'll see what I mean.
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Movie Review [Oct. 1st, 2009|02:28 pm]
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Just replaced my TV a few days ago, and, because I've had no manual(bought it from a pawn shop), I've been fiddling with it to get it just right.  Now, I'm finally ready to do my review on Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 3. 

First off, there was a reason I commented on the costumes in the first two movies reviews; with how good the costumes were in those movies is how bad they are in this one.  Instead of how real anthropomorphic turtles would look, they look like men his shitty rubber turtle costumes.  The eyes look dull, and the skin has a terrible luster that just makes them look completely fake.  And the lip sync is horrendous; that's probably why they did so many one liners without the camera showing the turtle's mouths.  And there's a reason for that; Jim Henson's Creature Shop did NOT take part in this piece of shit.

Second, the The opening.  It looks like an american attempt at a samurai movie, and a bad one at that.  It just looks out of place.  I understand that it is supposed to set up the plot, but it just opens with no explanation as to WHY the movie starts in feudal japan.  Granted, we see the MacGuffin shortly after, but it doesn't make sense until later.

And the Turtles reveal is terrible too.  Let me give an example; in the first movie, they set up the city, they introduce April, and then they have her attacked.  And then we see a sai spinning up and destroying a light fixture, allowing the turtles to kick the shit out of the thugs, and disappearing before they are seen.  And we get more build up into the sewer, seeing silhouette, as the Turtles logo comes into scene, and then the turtles are revealed.

Or the second one; once again, revealing the city, showing the denizens of New York eating pizza, having Keno pick a fight with the some thugs, only to be overwhelmed.  And then, the turtles leap into scene, once again, showing a freeze frame before the action starts.

This movie's reveal is awful.  Subway train segways into the reveal of the Turtles; NO FREEZE FRAME!  And they spend time fucking dancing.  Dancing! I realize that they are teenagers, but this was just awful!  This is when we first see how terrible the costumes are; even Splinter, who is a fucking puppet!

Next, the plot; time travel? Really?  Movies NEVER get time travel right, so why use a time travel plot?  What I think is that whoever made this movie wanted to do a samurai movie, but stuck the turtles in as a money making scheme.  Why else make a turtles movie that was OUTSIDE NEW YORK?!?!

The villains are terrible as well.  I mean come one, who the fuck are Norinaga and Walker?  Why should I care about what they are doing?  These guys are fucking pointless!  I mean, a good villain makes you think about what is going on in their heads; about why they are villains.  These two fucks don't do that!  They don't even provide a reason for the turtles to fight them!  They're pointless!

My next gripe is the lack of fighting scenes; think about the battles that have the turtles in them in the other two movies for a second.  In the first, there are 4 battles, 2 with all the turtles.  The second has 5 battles, 4 with all the turtles.  This one has 3 battles, with only one with Michaelangelo in it; and that's only the big rumble at the end of the movie.  What the fuck!  And they're ninja turtles; not once do we see any display of their ninja skills!

Next are the fucking one liners; yeah, they've always been cheesy.  But these are just awful!  I mean, wet willy time? Really?  After this movie came out, I got  a TON is wet willies by my so called "peers".  Fuck wet willy time.

The rest of them are just awful too.  How many anachronistic jokes could they make? "Hey dude, westerns are dead!" to Walker?  In 1603, Walker wouldn't get the reference; not only are they 200 years before that era starts, but the actor that Michaelangelo references, Clint Eastwood, wasn't born until 1930!  And the frog line; a frog couldn't be your ancestor Donatello! And really? An Adam's family joke? "Help, I'm a turtle and I can't get up!" Ugh. And the fucking point when April tears off the lower part of Kenshin's outfit, and the turtles go "Schwing!" Really? Ripping off Wayne's World?  I understand that Wayne's World was popular at the time, but come on!

Speaking of Kenshin; I have no sympathy for this fuck.  He throws temper tantrums throughout the movie! First when he's sent to his room, second, when he's in his room, and a couple more times when in the sewer! All we get about him is that he's an arrogant asshole who's in love with the leader of the rebels.  Fuck Kenshin! 

And then, we get to the ending.  I'm just gonna skip to Splinter's ending joke.  The ending joke in the first two were good, if a little cheesy.  This one? I just want to stab my ears with a knife when I hear it.  "Yo, dude! Just like Elvis in Blue Hawaii!"  As if it wasn't bad when Michaelangelo did it the first time, they have to close out with the worst joke of all!

The movie is horrible!  This is the worst movie I own!  And the only reason I've kept it is because I don't want to subject someone else to this piece of shit!  This movie is 95 minutes of my life that I will never get back! This movie takes everything that was bad about the first two, and just throws it right in our faces! Fuck Turtles 3!  "Cowabunga...Cowa-fucking piece of dog shit!"

I will admit, though, that, when it was released, it DID get me interested in learning CPR.  After all, little boy wanna be like Turtles, so little boy wants to know how to do CPR.

I think I should do a review on the only other Turtles Related thing I own; Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time Reshelled.  Get the taste of turtle shit out of my mouth.
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Technology problems [Sep. 24th, 2009|08:30 pm]
[Current Mood | infuriated]

For the last 2 months, my TV has been dieing.  It's been taking a blue hue on it for a few minutes, and then returns to normal.  Then, it wouldn't return to normal unless I hit it.  Bad idea, I know, but it returned things to normal.  Then, I started to have to hit it more than once to get it back to normal.  Now, no matter what I do, I can't get the color back to normal.  

I need a new TV, but I can't afford one.  And this TV has made trying to play video games impossible; the blue makes playing any game with dark areas impossible to see.  And the blue shift is just irritating as hell.

The worst part is that I just decided to review Ninja Turtles 3, and my TV decided to do that.  So, no reviews for a while.  Gonna go to a pawn shop tomorrow, and see if I can replace my TV until I can afford a brand new one.
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Movie review [Sep. 9th, 2009|04:16 pm]
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In 1991, the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles were huge.  Toys were all over the place, the comics were big business, and the cartoon was still very cool, if a little silly at this point.  And this was the year of the Turtles movie sequel.

Once again, the costumes are very good.   They still feel like anthrophomorphic turtles with feelings and emotions.  They still look like they could exist in the real word, and that's what I like about it.

Splinter's puppet is better as well.  In many scenes, we see more of the rat, and his movements are much more fluid.

Now, for a few changes between this and the first movie.  First off is Donatello.  In the first movie, Donatello isn't really there.  Here, he takes a staring role.  We see his scientific interest and knowledge, and I like that.  This movie was Donatello's story, and it was a good one.

And, to be honest, I did like Cory Feldman wasn't the voice of Donatello this time.  Adam Carl made him sound much more intelligent, but he needed that intelligence in his voice for this movie.

Second, April.  Another cast change.  Paige Turco portrayed her this time, and she did a good job.  And she was much more attractive than Judith Hoag.

Next, is Keno.  Who is he, why is he there, and what purpose does he have to the plot? He only shows up in this movie, and is never seen in any other TMNT media.  Why couldn't they bring back Casey Jones?  "Oh, we need some more teenage appeal for this movie, because our teenage turtles aren't enough!"

The action and violence were toned down between this movie and the first, as was the language.  Not one swear word was uttered in this movie, and only Donatello uses his weapon in battle.  The action has moved toward the cartoon's level of silliness. But, it was a movie made for kids, so that doesn't bother me.  I did enjoy the fight scenes, though.

Tokka and Rahzar.  Very little can be said about these two.  They enter the movie, they have no character, and they get removed from the movie just as quickly as they enter.  They're big stupid brutes created by the Shredder for his not very will fleshed out plan for revenge.  An interesting thing about these to is that they were voiced by Megatron himself, Frank Welker.  If I ever the Transformers Series and 1986 movie, I'll gush about him then.

As for the Shredder, I don't get it when he says he failed against the turtles.  He kicked her asses in the first movie.  Easily.  Shredder got beaten by Splinter and his own anger.  But, if he wanted revenge on Splinter, we wouldn't have much of a movie; Splinter is Deus Ex Machina, and he can't be beat.

This movie kinda putters out, with no real climactic battle.  I mean, the silly fight against Tokka and Rahzar in the night club, followed by the dance scene, and then Shredder gets blown out of the club by the shockwave from a speaker, where he drinks the ooze, and knocking down the docks.  But, instead of a battle, Shredder knocks down the docks, killing himself.  Ugh.

The ending scene with Splinter homages the first movie. Particularly the opening, where splinter asks them if they were seen.  From there, he shows them the newspaper, and then makes his ending joke.  "And remember, go ninja, go ninja, go!"

Unfortunately, I can't talk about this movie without mentioned Vanilla Ice.  That was really stupid.  How did he come up with that impromptu rap about the turtles?  Why was he there in the first place?

All in all, turtles 2 is a delightfully cheesy ride through my childhood memories.The action has gotten silly, but most of the scenes were still good.  Most of my feelings on the first movie stand true for this one as well, so there's little more I can say about this one.

Next up, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 3; The shitty bookend to the live action trilogy.
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Movie Review [Aug. 31st, 2009|01:42 am]
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[Current Mood | nerdy]

Anyone who grew up in the 1980s knows who the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles are.  They were EVERYWHERE; comic books (where they started), toys, video games, and comics again(based on the cartoons).  We also had clothing, wrapping paper, lunch boxes...basically anything that could be sold to kids, the Turtles had. They were HUGE!  The only fandom that I can think of that was bigger than the Turtles back then was Star Wars.

So, it was no surprise that eventually, there came a movie.  And in 1990, we got exactly that; Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: The Movie.  And it was awesome!

First off, the costumes.  The turtle costumes were great; those little touches that made the turtles look real; that little sparkle in the eyes, the tears when they get emotional...all the little things that you don't realize that, if they weren't there, things would look completely fake.  And in this one, the lip sync was great.

The men inside the suits did very well with what they were forced to deal with.  Those turtle costumes had to be heavy and extremely hot.  And they had to run around, fight, and do stunts in those costumes.  I have all the respect in the world for those four men. 

A little interesting thing though; the men who played the turtles, Michelen Sisti as Mechelangelo, Lief Tilden as Donatello, Josh Pais as Raphael, and David Forman as Leonardo, all appeared in the movie as outside the turtle costume.  Sisti was a pizza delivery man, Pais as a passenger in a taxi, Tilden as a messenger of The Foot, and Foreman as a gang member.

Second, the voices of the turtles.  Cory Feldmen played Donatello (Funny thing, I never knew he was a celebrity in the 80s until I saw a joke about it on Robot Chicken recently. :) ), Brian Tochi as Leonardo, Robie Rist as Michelangelo and Josh Pais as Raphael.  Yes, Raph's actor also did his voice.

Next, Splinter.  You can tell he's a puppet, but he's done well.  I can't find the name of who his puppeteer was, but I think he probably did the same thing that Frank Oz did with Yoda; make his movements were jerky because the character is elderly.  And it looks fine.  And his voice actor, Kevin Clash, gave him such character.  He just felt...right.  Granted, his lines felt like they came out of a fortune cookie half the time, and I guess that's okay, but what he said was the right thing at the right time for his sons.  And we get to see how awesome Splinter is when he uses the nunchaku to grab ahold of Shredder's spear, and flip the Shredder over his head, and then catch a knife that the Shredder throws at him!

Next, the Shredder.  He's not in the movie that much, but his scenes just fit.  Portrayed by James Saito and voiced by David McCharen, The Shredder was badass compared to his animated counterpart.  We kind of get this real "Darth Vader" feeling from him, but I honestly believe that's what inspired his look.  He's not a joke like his animated counterpart was becoming; he was awesome.  He kicked the turtles asses when he fought him.

Now for the supporting cast; April, Casey, Danny, Charles, and a character that doesn't exist in the cartoon or any of the comics, Tatsu.  Now, April and Casey were very good in their roles.  Judith Hoag did a pretty good job as April, and Elias Koteas did will as Casey.  They performed the roles that they were supposed to, and did them well.  April gave the turtles their first link to the world above, and became their support network when Splinter is kidnapped.  Casey, however, doesn't have as much going on as April.  He picks a fight with Raph, he rescues the turtles from the burning building, he repairs the vehicle that brings them back to New York, he rescues Splinter...yeah, he does a lot, but there's not a lot we know about him beyond he played hockey and sucked at it.

Charles and Tatsu helped move the plot along, but weren't really developed.  Charles was April's boss at channel 3, and Tatsu was Shredder's second.  Same thing with Danny, for that matter.  He was the one who let the Shredder know that the Turtles were back in New York.  Yeah, he had a bit of a story arc, but I never really cared about him.

The action scenes are pretty good.  Some are comedic, but most look pretty good.  That fight that Casey picked with Raph, an important one for Raph's character arc, worked pretty well.  I really liked the rooftop battle with Raph and the foot ninja.  The battle that came after that, though, is the comedy battle.  The one part of it that stands out is when Donatello's head is dunked in the fish tank, pulled out, and then he sprays the foot ninja.  Immediately after, we go into the serious part, when Casey rescues the Turtles and April, and covers their retreat.  Then we have the lead-up to the final scenes; the sewer battle that leads up to the streets, and finally, onto the roof.  And then, the fight with the Shredder.

The farm scenes were pretty good; this is about the only time where the movie slows down, but it still goes pretty quickly.  We get some insight into April's though process, and some of her personality traits.  We also get some insight into the Turtles' personalities.  Although, Michelangelo is absent in April's thoughts. Strange.

The Turtles feel like teenagers.  They make jokes, they get playful with each other, they like junk food, tv, and they make one liners during a fight. (I mean come on, who wouldn't have made those one liners if they were that badass as a kid?) And they do it all through out the movie.  All throughout the movie.  And some of the one liners are great.  They even swear; something that real teenagers do.  Granted, most of the swearing is done by Raph, but that fits his personality.

The climax felt good too.  The Shredder dead, the foot clan arrested, and the Turtles start congratulating themselves like they did in the beginning of the movie, after their very first battle.  Even Splinter gets a moment in that; "I...have always liked...Cowabunga!"  Sense of humor for the rodent fortune cookie.

Now, I do have a few complaints.  First off, this movie was WAY too short.  In the 90 minutes, we move quickly from plot point to plot point, barely leaving any time for exposition or character growth.  Now, that wasn't as bad when I was 7 and I saw this in the theater, but there's not enough time for any real down time.  Everything just moves so quickly, it's hard to catch you breath.

Second, when Shredder is introduced to the Turtles.  I swear, it looked like he flew in and landed on the ground.  Now, I figure that he leapt in from a higher area, but come on, how does that moment make any sense?

Third, some of the sound effects.  For example, when Raph throws his sai to knock out the light so they could save April, it sounds like the cartoon sound effect used for a boomerang.  When does a thrown sai sound like a boomerang?  And there are plenty of other moments where the sound effects are cheesy.

All in all, I enjoy this movie almost as much as I did 19 years ago.  It's a fun ride from beginning to end, even if it's too short.  It's action packed, cheesy but not overly so, but most of all, fun.  I'll admit that I missed a few points I wanted to hit, but I'll hit those in the upcoming reviews.  And, I will readily admit that most of my complaints were nitpicky.  But, I've been watching this movie off and on for nearly 20 years; I'm allowed to grow and see the movie differently than I did when I was 7.

Next up; Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2: The Secret of the Ooze.


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Video game review [Aug. 27th, 2009|12:23 am]
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As many people know, I love games by Bioware.  That Canadian RPG house is one of the few game companies that consistently makes good games.  Every game of theirs I've played, I've enjoyed immensely.  Baldur's Gate 2, Star Wars: Knights of the Old Republic, Jade Empire, and now, Mass Effect.  (Never played Neverwinter Nights or the first Baldur's Gate, but that's because I don't own them.)

And that's what today's review is of; Mass Effect.  A scifi adventure that takes place in the 22nd century, Mass Effect is a story about a galaxy on the brink of an apocalypse that nobody is willing to admit to. Only Lt. Commander Shepard, a member of the human Systems Alliance, and her crew know the truth, and are trying to stop it.

Now, I say her, despite the fact that you can choose the gender of your Shepard, because I prefer the voice actor for the female Shepard.  Jennifer Hale gives Shepard more emotion, more character than Mark Meer.  

First off, I want to talk about the voice talent.  With the exception of Mark Meer, the voice cast is awesome.   First off, anyone who's played past Bioware games will recognize 3 voice actors; Cam Clarke, Jennifer Hale, and Raphael Sbarge.  Hell, two of them are KOTOR alumni; Hale and Sbarge. However, there are a few awesome voice actors as well.  Seth Green for example.  He does some great work as Joker.  There's also two voice actors I remember from when I was a kid; Keith David and Marina Sirtis. These two voice two of the main characters from the 1994 Disney series, Gargoyles.

Character creation is pretty detailed, allowing for some very unique avatars.  Of course, that meant I've spent several hours creating characters, playing through to the citadel, seeing my character in that light, and then abandoning.  Of course, after realizing that I could take OFF the helmet, that meant I only had to wade through a half an hour of gameplay.  I've actually taken to looking online for good looking faces so I don't have to deal with creating, playing and then abandoning a character before I've gotten them just right.

The characters are pretty well done, but then again, Bioware's pretty good at that.  While most don't have a detailed backstory, they are fleshed out enough to make them individuals.  Not perfect, but ages beyond what most game companies do.

Next, the character classes. They have there specialist classes; soldier, engineer and adept(which is a biotic, which is essentially a mage character), and the "hybrid classes", of vanguard, sentinel, and infiltrator.    My personal preference is for the soldier, vanguard and adept classes, mostly because I like tanking, high damage and crowd control.  My least favorite class is engineer, but I don't have any real reason for not liking it.  I just don't.

I like the combat, for the most part.  I believe this is the first Bioware RPG that goes completely with ranged combat, and it works very well with the context of the game. Controlling Shepard is easy an fluid.  Changing out weapons was easy, as was using the combat abilities.  And the biotics were fun to play with.

Speaking of weapons, I really like three of them; the pistol, shotgun and assault rifle.  They do a good amount of damage, and, with the frictionless material upgrades, they don't overheat.  And they're pretty good at close to mid range combat.

That said, there are some flaws; first off, squad control.  Controlling their abilities in combat was easy, but the inability send one off to a specific place, was just horrible.  And, more than once, my squadmates got in the way.  For example, today alone, Ash got in my life of fire 3 times, and Tali at least twice.  Not to mention the times I've tried to slide over from where I took cover so I could get a better shot, only to find Kaidan blocking me from doing just that.

Next is some of the issues I have with combat.  Trying to get cover is annoying.  More than once I tried to get cover, and all Shepard did was hold her rifle up, signifying that something was blocking it.  Other times, I retreated to bet better cover, only to have Shepard press up against a wall and get shot repeatedly.  I'm just glad that ME2 is going to rectify this, because the cover mechanism doesn't work properly.  When it works, it's great.  When it doesn't, it gets you killed.

Third is how annoying it was to level up.  I don't know about anyone else, but going to those uncharted worlds to grind out levels is NOT fun. It takes too long to get the levels I want.  And the only reason I bother with grinding levels is because the higher levels abilities are more fun.  And, the better quality the weapon, the slower the overheat rate.

And then there's the weapon I don't like; the sniper rifle.  I don't like how inaccurate it is without a shitload of points in the skill.  Even the Master Spectre versions of the gun suck ass.

And finally, the supposed "twist."  Sovereign being a Reaper was not a surprise.  There were plenty of hints dropped throughout the game, and that revelation moment where Sovereign reveals itself to Shepard, I'm like "how can you not see this?".  I mean, the entire game is talking about sapient AI, so of course Saren's ship was a Reaper.

Finally, I can't talk about Mass Effect without talking about the "sex scene" controversy, which was, of course, complete bullshit.  For fuck's sake, they don't show anything raunchier than what is played on daytime soaps.  In fact, daytime soaps are far more explicit and raunchy than what is in Mass Effect.  There's only two sex scenes available; the one with the asari consort, where you DON'T SEE ANYTHING, and the other is the natural progression of a relationship.  Both are noninteractive, neither shows anything explicit, and BOTH ARE OPTIONAL!  Anybody who made a big deal out of that never played the game, and there's proof of it.

All in all, I like this game, and I am excited to see Mass Effect 2.  Next review will probably be the live action Ninja Turtles movies, which will give me a chance to tear into a bad movie.
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Movie review [Aug. 26th, 2009|01:31 am]
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I don't feel like I can review a movie until I watch it at least twice; once to enjoy the movie, and at least a second or more time to pick it apart.  And since I've only seen The Dark Knight two times, I feel that I can finally pick it apart.

In a lot of ways, this also reminds me a lot of Batman 89, but mostly because of the introduction of the Joker.  But, we don't touch on the Joker's origins, nor do we need to.  He's just the Joker; the greatest of Batman's villains.  And that's all we needed.

First off, a change to a cast member; Maggie Gyllenhaal as Rachel Dawes, instead of Katie Holmes.  As I said in my Batman Begins review, I never really cared for the Rachel Dawes character, but I see her point.  She was pushed away from Bruce, which felt right; as I said before, Batman is a loner.  He's not supposed to have a love life; he's not supposed to be happy the way you or I are.  He wages his one man war on crime because he feels he must.  But, I did like how her death affected Bruce, and not just because I didn't care for her character.  Rachel Dawes was the first casualty on his side in his war against crime, and that hit him hard.

I don't really need to say much about Bruce/Batman, because I covered that in my last Batman review.  We already know why he does what he does, what measures he's willing to go to, and what lines he will and will not cross.  So, there's not much more that needs to be said.

We see some evolution in Gordon.  He's an important man now; he's got his own special unit in the beginning, and he becomes the police commissioner near the end.  Now that he's got "people", he' s taken down most of the mob, but he's got to worry about who is straight and who is dirty.  But what he has to do at the end; he has to demonize the man who has done so much for him because he has to keep Dent lionized in the eyes of the populous. 

And then there's Dent.  From being an idealist at the beginning to a man out for revenge at the end; Aaron Eckhart did an excellent Two-Face.  Like Christian Bale did with Batman, Eckhart redeemed the stain that Tommy Lee Jones' portrayal put on the character.  Eckhart's portrayal showed both the bright and dark sides to Dent's personality.  And I loved that two headed coin, and the tarnishing at the end.  The symbolism was excellent; the tarnished coin for the tarnished man.

And speaking for villains, Heath Ledger's The Joker.  I'll be honest, I wasn't looking forward to his portrayal of the Joker, especially after all the Brokeback Mountain jokes.  But, did things with the Joker that we've only seen hinted at with Mark Hamill's portrayal of him in Batman: The Animated Series.  Now, first, let me say something about the actors who have portrayed him; Caesar Romano and Jack Nicholson.  Romano made the Joker "funny", Nicholson made the Joker psychotic.  Only one person mixed those aspects perfectly before Ledger; Mark Hamill.  But, this is not the place for a commentary on Hamill's joker.

Any, Ledger's Joker.  The Joker said he was an agent of chaos, and he proved it.  In both this movie and the comic, he has a very sick, very brutal sense of humor.  The "why so serious?" line, while over done outside the movie, fits him.  He uses it, right before cutting someone from mouth to ear.  He's funny, but in a psychotic way.   Everywhere he goes, he does things that just get under people.  He's a study in the dark side of human psychology, and a pure engine of chaos.  He IS the clown prince of crime.

Now, I loved the scenes that had both Batman and the Joker in them.  The Joker pisses Batman off so much, because Batman knows the Joker is right; and he doesn't like it.  And the Joker sees the same thing, and he finds it hilarious.  And he does what he does to push Batman's buttons, because he finds it so funny.

I also like the contrast in the way they fight.  Batman is orderly, regimented, graceful, and brutal.  He wastes no movements in taking his foes.  The Joker, well...is chaos.  Flailing kicks, wild punches...it looks like he's going to fall down half the time.  And you know what? He actually does when he gets out of the truck that Batman flipped.

My favorite moment was when the Joker lined the two boats lined with explosives, and gave a detonator the boats to the other boats.  I liked how the criminals objected, but most sat and accepted that they deserved their fates.  I really liked how the big guy threatened the cop and threw the detonator out the window.

What I really liked, though, was the panicked "normal" people.  They were willing to kill the criminals to save their own skins.  Remember their votes? 180 against, 396 for?  They were so scared, they were killing to kill others to save their own skins.  Granted, most were too scared to "pull the trigger", but that says something about humanity to me; most only care about saving their own skins than about the lives of others.   The criminals, they knew that they deserved their fates, and were willing to accept their deaths.  But the normal people, the "good" people, they were more willing to kill than the killers!  All because a little chaos was inserted into their lives.

Finally, the last banter between Batman and The Joker.  Particularly the "unstoppable force meets the immovable object" speech.  It fits the relationship between the two of them.  Batman and The Joker have clashed over and over again in the comics, and it's always awesome.  Granted, we'll never see Batman and THIS Joker, because Heath Ledger is dead, but for the characters, the the stuff about them meeting again fits.

And finally, Commissioner Gordon's final speech.  "Because he's the hero Gotham deserves, but not the one it needs right now. So we'll hunt him because he can take it. Because he's not our hero. He's a silent guardian, a watchful protector. A dark knight."  That speech epitomizes who Batman is and what he stands for, and it is about the only time I ever want to hear a movie's title used in a movie.

So, I like this movie.  It was a nice action movie, but it also a study into anarchy.  

I'd like to review a movie I can tear apart like I did with Episode 1, but I don't own any.  I've only got 4 or 5 bad movies, but they're in the "so bad they're funny" category, instead of the "Oh Lord, my eyes are bleeding this is so bad" of Episode 1.

I'm probably going to do another game review soon. Either that, or dig through my comics.  I could also go through some of my books.  I don't know, I'll do something.  I'm playing Chrono Cross right now; maybe I'll review that.   Heck, I might just stick to games and movies I like; a LOT of people review bad movies, games, and comics, but few do good ones.  Granted, I probably will hit some of the bad ones, but mostly, it's good games and movies.

See you next time!

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Video game review [Aug. 25th, 2009|04:37 pm]
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I know I said I was going to review the Dark Knight next, but after rereading my reviews on the Star Wars saga, I thought I'd review Star Wars: The Force Unleashed.

I enjoy playing the Force Unleashed, especially after loading up a previous save.  Having Starkiller use all the powers he gained throughout the game makes sense.  Well, at least according to Star Wars canon.

First off, the gameplay.  Until this point, our control of the Force had been limited to RPG conventions like KOTOR, or to FPS conventions, like the Jedi Knight series.  This time, they do it like an action game.  Yes, we have to level up the abilities, but it's done in a way that we gain greater power and control of the Force.

I also like the boss battles.  Unlike the Jedi Knight series, it feels like 2 Jedi fighting.  For example, using the battle against General Kota as an example, being able to pick up debris and throw it at him just feels awesome.  And it's like that with all the battles; from electrocuting Kazdan Paratus, to throwing around Shaak Ti, to the battles with Vader and the Emperor.   It shows the power of the Force and how cool it feels to use it.

That said, I'm not too fond of what they had to do with the lightsaber.  Yes, I understand that they had to weaken a weapon that was instantly deadly, and I understand that on some creatures; the rancors, the purge troopers, the AT-STs and the Jedi characters.  But not being able to kill an Imperial Stormtrooper in one hit?  That's weak.

The story isn't bad either.  Seeing Starkiller go from Vader's loyal apprentice to a wannabe Jedi was pretty cool.  And, if you choose to battle the Emperor, Starkiller becomes a true Jedi.  We see so many fall to the Dark Side in Star Wars fiction that it was cool to see someone "fall to the light side."

However, the story is far from perfect.  The romance between Starkiller and Juno feels tacked on.  We don't even see that there's even any real romantic interest on her part until after Starkiller rescues Bail Organa on Felucia.  When I first time said that, I was like "What? Since when did Juno have any interest in Starkiller?" Granted, the novel elaborates on this, but the game doesn't get too far into it.

It's also interesting that the Rebel Alliance starts here.  I find it strange, though, that Leia is one of the founders, but cool how they followed the Bail Organa/Garm Bel-Ibis/Mon Mothma triad as the main founders follows the later material.

I enjoyed the Force Unleashed, and I keep coming back to it, not for the story, but for the gameplay.  The use of the Force is fun, the bosses are challenging, and the enemies are great.  And, while the story is minimal beyond "kill the Jedi at the end of the level", that's okay.  After all, if "hunt down the princess" was good enough for a Mario game, then "hunt down Jedi" is good enough for the Force Unleashed.  It's mindless fun, and sometimes, mindless fun is all one needs to enjoy a video game.
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Full Circle: Full Saga retrospective [Aug. 11th, 2009|09:51 pm]
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And now, for my views on the Star Wars movies as a whole.  First, I'd like to take this opportunity to address some things that [info]nivenus said as comments on my previous reviews.  Particularly, my feelings that having Padme "sidelined" in Episode 3 being okay.  I feel this way because Natalie Portman's performances are gawdawful.  She brings down every scene she's in!  And I honestly believe her acting got worse every movie she was in!  Every thing she says just grinds on my every last nerve.  I was happy to see Padme's role diminished in Episode 3; it spared me Natalie Portman's eye-bleedingly bad acting!

Make no mistake, I don't have a problem with Padme as a character; she's smart, she's capable, she's compassionate, and she's a damn fine speaker.  She can also handle herself on the battlefield relatively well too.  And it's not like Padme hasn't been portrayed well; Grey DeLisle and Cat Taber did a great job in Padme's animated appearances.  They show Padme done right; Natalie Portman shows Padme done wrong. 

So, yeah, seeing Padme's role reduced in Episode 3 isn't good for the character, but I look at it as being spared the bad acting of Natalie Portman.  And that's why I think it was "okay" to see Padme pushed aside in Episode 3.

Now, for my opinion on the whole saga.  In my book, Episode 5 is the best of them.  We see Luke's training in the Force and get a few lessons on how it gives a Jedi their powers.  We also see the first real lightsaber duel, and we see the better romance in the Star Wars Saga.  And it also has the second most remembered line in the entire saga; the first being "May the Force be with you."

Episode 6 is the worst of the original trilogy.  However, it is still better than Revenge of the Sith, the best of the prequel trilogy.  Not enough characterization going on, but by that point, we know who everyone is and what they stand for.  So, whatever.

Episode 3 is the best of the prequel trilogy, but considering the subpar quality of the prequel trilogy, that's not saying much.  If this was anything but a Star Wars movie, I would have torn it to pieces.

Episode 1 is the worst, by far, though nivenus would disagree.  There are a lot of things that makes this one bad, and I covered most of them in my review on it.  But the one thing really makes this one bad is the story is about a trade dispute and taxes.  If I wanted to hear about taxes and trade disputes, I'd watch CSpan.  A Star Wars movie is not the place to talk about fucking trade disputes.

Episode 2 is just kind of "blegh." It serves no purpose to the saga, and just feels like padding until we get to Episode 3.

And, finally, Episode 4.  For a movie that established what Star Wars is and was, it did it's job well.

And, finally, here's my piece of pure opinion; my order of favorites.  I like the movies in this order, 5, 4, 3, 6, and 2.  I don't even consider 1 at all, because it's that bad in my book.  It is the worst blockbuster movie I have ever seen.  

Oh, and as I get more comments on these reviews, I'm going to modify this entry based on any concerns people have.

So, I hope you enjoyed reading these reviews as much as I enjoyed writing them.  There's never not a good reason to watch George Lucas' masterpiece again, but I've noticed I've started being highly critical of the movies I watch the second and beyond time I've seen it, and I thought, what the hell, why not Star Wars?

Anyway, next review will probably be The Dark Knight, since I did Batman Begins prior to my Star Wars reviews.  After that, I'll probably do a harder review; a video game review.

So...I can't think of a tagline to end my reviews with.  If anyone can help me think of one, I'd greatly appreciate it!

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Saga's end: Return of the Jedi review [Aug. 11th, 2009|12:41 am]
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Episode 6: Return of the Jedi.  The end of the Original Trilogy, and the end of the saga of Anakin Skywalker. And also the worst of the Old Trilogy.  Don't get me wrong, it's still a very good movie, and it's vastly superior to Episode 1 and 2, but it doesn't live up to the quality seen in the two directly prior.  Hell, it' superior to Episode 3!

There's little I can say about the characters at this point.  Ian McDiarmid makes his debut as Palpatine in this movie, and performs his role as Emperor and Lord of the Sith perfectly.  Imperious, creepy, kinda sleezy, and powerful as hell; McDiarmid portrayed those traits perfectly.

Now, for plot points; Vader's redemption.  We see a hint of what Anakin Skywalker should have been in Empire, when Vader called out to Luke through the Force, but this is the movie where we truly get to see what Luke means to Vader; Luke is not only his way to free himself from the thrall of Palpatine, he's his last link to Padme, and his only chance at being loved.  And that's all he ever wanted, every since he left Tatooine as a boy; to have some love him.

Luke's journey, however, is very different.  He's trained to be a weapon to kill the Emperor and Vader, but he ends up a true Jedi; a wise man who looks for the right answer, not just the quickest one.  Granted, he stumbled on the journey; he not only attacked the Emperor out of anger (and he would have killed him, had Vader not jumped to the Emperor's defense), but he viciously attacked Vader when he realized that Luke had a sister.  But, in the end, Luke chose to be a Jedi, like his father before him.  Better, in many ways, because Luke was calm during situations when Anakin would have losing it.

Now, the story between Leia and Han continued as it should, with a couple of fun twists.  I thought the moments when Han thought Leia was in love with Luke to be kinda funny in a lot of ways.  The scene where Han says "I won't stand in the way of you and Luke" was too funny, especially when Leia told him that Luke was her brother.

The Ewoks were cool.  Cute and cuddly characters who had a very tribal, hunter focused society made them both kid appeal and awesome.  Watch the way they fought the Empire; not the silly moments where they try to take down an AT-ST with a piece of rope, but the moments where they are jamming their spears into the soft parts in the stormtrooper armor. 

Now, for the nitpicky stuff.  First is the change from Sebastian Shaw as Anakin's Force Ghost into Hayden Christensen as Anakin's Force Ghost.  The reason behind it is that Anakin reverts back to the way he was before he falls to the Dark Side, and I really don't have a problem with this change.  It's a very silly change, but it doesn't hurt the universe or the movie.

What I DO have a problem with is this; how the hell does Cloud City, Tatooine, Naboo and Coruscant know that the Emperor is dead and the Death Star has been destroyed?  I know instantaneous galactic wide communication works, but I question the logic of showing that.  I really doubt the Empire would broadcast the Emperor just died, and I doubt that the average citizen would believe that the Alliance killed the Emperor that early. 

And, of course, Jar Jar is now in Return of the Jedi....No.   Just.....No.  Why the fuck would George Lucas put Jar Jar in Return of the Jedi?  Granted, he's not physically in the fucking movie, but why have him shout "Wesa free!"

All in all, I enjoy watching Return of the Jedi.  I just ignore the bullshit, and I enjoy the movie.

Next up, a full retrospective on the entire saga.
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The Home stretch Star Wars Review [Aug. 9th, 2009|08:56 pm]
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[Current Mood | amused]

Episode 5: The Empire Strikes Back.

As I said, I only own the special edition, so I've only go the version where shit has been changed.  But, even tough I haven't seen the original version of Empire in 12 years, I remember enough of what wasn't there to know what was changed.  That said, on with the review.

This movie has a LOT of important moments.  We see Vader's meditation chamber, the budding romance between Han and Leia, Luke's Jedi training, the introduction of Yoda, and the introduction of the Emperor. 

First off, Vader's meditation chamber.  The only place where Vader can take the helmet off.  We actually see his bald, scarred head in that meditation chamber; the second inkling that something's seriously wrong with Vader, the breathing being the first.  Of course, having seen Episode 3, I know exactly what is wrong with Vader, but when I saw it in the late 80s and in the 1997 special edition, I had no idea why what was wrong with him.

Second, the Han and Leia romance.  The dialogue is so much better than than the Anakin/Padme romance.  Mostly because the dialogue isn't written by George Lucas.  It's subtle, and that's the only way a romance feels natural. 

Third, Yoda.  When he first pops up, we get to see a different side to him; a very silly little man.  He's playful.  He's funny when he first shows up.  Granted, he's doing that to test Luke's patience, But it's just awesome to see this side of Yoda.

Forth, Luke's Jedi training.  This is the first time we see Yoda as a Jedi Master.  Wise, powerful, and patient.  Which contrasts Luke during this time; dumb, weak, and impatient.  Luke has so many questions about the Force and about Jedi training, but the answers are things that Luke has to learn for himself.  And the two major moments in Luke's training; his failure in the cave, and his failure to lift his X-Wing.  He doesn't completely learn his lesson from the cave until after he faces Vader, but when he sees Yoda lift his X-Wing immediately after his failure, he learns something extremely important; where the Force is concerned, "Size matters not."  Seeing this is a turning point in Luke's training; seeing Yoda, a being half his size, lift something as big and heavy as an X-Wing makes Luke truly understands what a Jedi is capable of.  But, that also made him more susceptible to the Dark Side.  After all, he doesn't learn the lesson of the cave until after his duel with Vader.

Speaking of the duel with Vader, it was as good as the battle between Anakin and Obi-Wan on Mustafar.  We started to see what a Lightsaber duel should look like in that battle.  Vader's full control of the Force and his lightsaber made him a powerful foe to Luke, and we can see that, during the entire fight, he's just toying with Luke.  We don't really see what Vader is capable of until near the end of the duel, when he starts throwing stuff at Luke and then cutting off Luke's hand.  Luke, for the most part, holds his own, pushing himself to his limits and testing his new powers.  And it's amazing with how well Luke does in the duel; a man with no sword training holds his own pretty well, despite the fact that we know that Vader is just toying with Luke.

And the revelation; "No.  I am your father."  That was shocking to the audience in 1980.  The villian of the last movie just told the hero that he is the hero's father; that was unbelievable.  It was shocking, and no one knew how to react to it.  James Earl Jones in the bonus material DVD said it best; "when I first saw that line, I thought, 'he's lying'."  (And that's why I advocate showing these three to the next generation first.  Because seeing Episode 3 ruins the impact of this scene.  Imagine a child, who didn't grow up with Star Wars the way we did, seeing this scene and blurting out.  "Duh!"  Horrifying, isn't it?)

Finally, The Emperor.  In 1980 and the original release of this movie on VHS, Palpatine's first appearance portrayed by was a woman with the composite image of a chimpanzee for the eyes, and voiced by Clive Revell.  Hell, even in the 1997 special edition it was like that.  But, for the 2004 DVD release, we get Ian McDiarmid.  And, in all honesty, this was an AWESOME change.  As I've said 3 times so far, McDiarmid is awesome as Palpatine.  He elevates an already awesome movie.  And let's be honest, that old woman-chimp image was stupid.

The only other major change made, other than BS additions to add CGI to "add more life" to the movie, was the change to Boba Fett's voice.   Boba Fett was originally voiced by Jason Wingreen the 1980 film, and the subsequent video releases had his voice in then.  But, for the 2004 DVD release, his voice was changed to Temura Morrison, the man who did Boba's father, Jango.  The idea was that, since Boba was a direct clone, his voice would be the same as Jango's.  And you know what?  That doesn't bother me.  Like the change to McDiarmid for the Palpatine hologram, it makes sense. It fits, and it's cosmetic.  And those minor changes don't hurt the movie experience.

I like the Empire Strikes Back.  In fact, it's my favorite one.  So much character growth goes on, so many important plot points are introduced in this movie.

Next up, the finality of the Star Wars saga, Return of the Jedi.  And then, my thoughts on all six.

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The start of a Saga [Aug. 7th, 2009|08:25 pm]
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Star Wars Episode 4: A New Hope.  The one that started the entire Star Wars Saga.  But, is it as good as people make it out to be?

As you might have guessed, I've been going through the Star Wars saga over the last week or so.  And I'm going to say right now that the only version I have of the original Trilogy is the 2004 special edition.  So, I know the version I watch has a shit load of changes over the 1977 version, but that's okay.

Any, in the internal chronology, this one takes place 19 years after ROtS, and kickstarts the saga of Anakin's children.  And what a saga they have.  The first thing we see after the opening crawl is a chase scene, followed by a short battle.  And we're introduced to important characters in the movie in short order; C3PO, R2-D2, Leia Organa, and Darth Vader.  And, a few more minutes into the movie, we get Luke Skywalker, then Old Ben Kenobi, and then Han and Chewie.

This movie establishes the conventions we see in all other forms of Star Wars media; lightsabers, blasters, hyperdrives, space battles, and the Force.

Ah, the Force.  Old Ben described the Force as an energy field that surrounded and penetrated them, and gave a Jedi it's power.  Mystical, but not overly so.  And that's all we needed to establish 30+ years of awesomeness.  But then George Lucas had to go and ruin it with Episode 1 and "midiclorians", but I already ranted on that.

Anyway, the actors.  Harrison Ford does Han Solo very well; snarky, world weary, but still very altruistic.  Mark Hamill does an awesome Luke; bright eyed and innocent, but still extremely capable.  Leia's approporately imperious, but good, capable young woman.  And Luke's attraction to her is very funny, considering what we know about them now.  I don't see it as incestuous, because they don't know they are twins. 

David Prowse was awesome as the body of Darth Vader.  Tall, big and strong, he was the perfect man to be put in the costume.  The only problem was his voice; his thick scottish accent did not fit the Dark Lord of the Sith.  That's where James Earl Jones came in.  His voice gave Darth Vader the menace he needed to be the villian for this movie.

Next up is Peter Cushing as Grand Moff Tarkin.  He seemed like every sleezy politician you can think of, but Cushing makes makes Tarkin have an aire of menace that a politican just doesn't have.  And did you know that Cushing played opposite Christopher Lee in the 1958 Hammer Films (Horror of) Dracula?  Strange links between actors, huh?

And finally, Sir Alec Guinness.  A legend in the film industry long before Star Wars, Guinness brought legimitacy to what would be a low budget, independent film.  Guinness' portrayal of Ben Kenobi MADE the movie.  Like Ian McDiarmid's performance as Palpatine does in the prequels, Sir Alec Guinness' Ben Kenobi was awesome.   By the way, I call Alec Guinness' performance "Old Ben" to differentiate it from Ewen McGregor's performance.  Same guy, but completely different character.

Now, for some of the important moments in the movie.  Most importantly, the lightsaber duel.  In 1977, this was nothing more a moment of coolness that forced Luke to grow and learn.  But today, after seeing Episode 3, we can see the history between Vader and Obi-Wan.  We know why Vader says what he says to Ben, and we understand what is going on inside their heads when they fight.

Finally, the final battle; the Rebel fighters against the Death Star.  We first see just how awesome Luke is as a pilot, and a hint at what a Jedi can do with the Force.  And, of course, we get to see how awesome Vader is as a fighter pilot.

Now, since I have the 2004 special edition, I hate to deal with the "Han shot first" contriversy.  First off, the event.  Greedo threatens Han, and then, in the special edition, Greedo shoots at Han, Han does a very badly edited dodge, and returns fire.  However, in the 1977 version, Han takes the only shot.  He kills Greedo before he gets a chance to take a shot.  Now, I think this was a stupid change, but I'm not going to let myself lose any sleep over it, or even bother ranting about it.

Second, the phrase.  "Han shot first" implies that Greedo got a shot off.  In 1977, he doesn't.  So, "Han Shot First" is a grave misonmer.  But, "Han Shoots Only" doesn't roll off the tongue like "Han Shot First."

So, Episode does a very good job at not only starting off the saga, but it also goes a great job at creating a phenomenon.  No matter what George Lucas says about his movies being about Anakin, this and its sequels are what people who aren't fans think of when someone says Star Wars.

Either tomorrow or the day after I will be reviewing The Empire Strikes Back.  Look forward to it!

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Continuing the Star Wars reviews [Aug. 5th, 2009|01:30 pm]
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[Current Mood | amused]

Episode 3: Revenge of the Sith.  It all came down to the wire on this one, but, to use a baseball metaphor, George Lucas had two strikes and then hit a home run.  This movie was good.

First off, the action.  I believe this is the only movie that you actually start out with a battle.  The movie starts out with a space battle, to get to General Grevious' flagship so they can rescue the chancellor.  A few minutes later, we get a lightsaber battle, and then a skirmish with droids, and then a crash landing.  What a way to start your movie.  None of the other live action movies start out this way.  Episode 4 comes close, with Vader chasing the Tantive 4, but it's not a full scale war.

Second, the romance dialogue is far better, and it proves why George Lucas should not be writing dialogue.  Yeah, some of it is cheesy as hell, but is sounds natural.  I've actually heard people stuff similar to the "Only because I'm so in love" conversation.  Cheesy as hell, but it works.

Ian McDiarmid was awesome as Palpatine, as well.  The subtle way he forces Anakin to doubt the Jedi was just too delicious.  Palpatine knew that Anakin was finally ready to accept that Palpatine was Dark Lord of the Sith, and willing to accept his teachings.  And Palpatine knew he had Anakin by the balls, especially after Anakin told him about his dreams of Padme, and what the Jedi Council told him to do.

And seeing the Darth Vader costume and hearing James Earl Jones' voice again, that was almost orgasmic.  Granted, Jones' lines sucked balls and sounded completely out of character from what we see in the next three films, but I see that moment as the "death" of Anakin Skywalker, and the "birth" of Darth Vader.

And that final climactic between Obi-wan and Anakin was too cool for words.  You can see the emotion in their eyes, feel the pain in their hearts as they try to kill each other.  Despite what Anakin says, he still loves Obi-Wan like a father.  He's angry, confused, and he directs that all at Obi-Wan.  Not to mention that he blames Obi-Wan for what he "had to do" to his wife, the one person who loved him no matter what he did.

And Obi-Wan is confused as well.  Obi-Wan loved Anakin.  He even says as much.
"You were my brother, Anakin! I loved you!"

To see the man that Obi-Wan had trained since he was 9 like that, it broke Obi-Wan's heart.  The fact that he couldn't stand the sight of Anakin engulfed by flames, and the line I quoted, showed how much it hurt Obi-Wan to have to do this.  And even though he should have, Obi-Wan could not kill his friend.  He couldn't bear the thought of taking his life.

And that battle adds new dimensions to the battle aboard the Death Star, nearly 20 years later.  But, I'll get into that when I review Episode 4.

The only downsides to this movie were nitpicky.  First off, any time Yoda is forced to use his lightsaber, while incredibly cool to see Yoda's sword skills, looks incredibly cheesy seeing him duel another Force user.

Padme's role is greatly diminished in this film, but her time to shine was over.  Yeah, she was a member of the Delegation of 2000, and while those scenes cut from the movie are canon, the only major event she had to do was give birth to Luke and Leia.  And that's fine.    This was the story of Anakin's fall, and Padme had to be pushed aside to tell that story.

Besides, she gives birth to A New Hope, so she still plays an extremely important role in the story.

The only other nitpicky thing I have is the sense of time.  I mean, how long does it take to make hyperspace journeys?  Padme said she hadn't seen Anakin since yesterday when she was told, by Obi-Wan, what Anakin did in the Jedi Temple, which implied to me that Mustafar was a day's travel from Coruscant.  The next scene, Padme shows up on Mustafar just as Anakin finishes talking to Palpatine.  And then Palpatine shows up right after the battle between Anakin and Obi-Wan ends!!!  WTF?!?!

All in all, this is how the two prior should have been made.  This movie was higher quality than we had seen from George Lucas in a long time, and redeemed him in the eyes of many fans.  And then he had to go and create the Clone Wars movie and cartoon, but I digress.

Next review; Episode 4: A New Hope.

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Another Star Wars review [Aug. 3rd, 2009|10:13 pm]
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Episode 2: Attack of the Clones.  Better than Episode 1, but that's not saying much.  That's like saying the shit I took today was better than the I took yesterday.

I'm going to start with the ways this movie is better than its predecessor.  First off, the action.  A lot more, and a lot better.  I actually cared about what was going on.  From the moment Obi-Wan jumped out onto the droid to the battle of Geonosis, the action sequences were awesome.

Second, the performance of some of the actors.  Ian McDiarmid's performance as Palpatine was awesome, as always.  Christopher Lee was awesome as well. 

And Hayden Christensen was...okay...as Anakin Skywalker.  He did the role well, but the lines he had to say were almost as bad as the stuff Jake Lloyd had to say.  But, playing an Emo/angry Jedi, Christensen did Anakin Skywalker justice.

The locations were awesome.  I love rainy environments, and Kamino had that in spades.  And the cloning facilities were just beautiful.  And the places that returned form previous were well done as well.

Having 3PO back for comedy relief was great too.  He made up for the craptasticness of Jar Jar in spades.

Which brings me to the bad.  First off, the dialogue still sucks.  I swear, George Lucas can write action, create amazing locales, amazing alien races, but he can't write natural dialogue to save his life. 

And the romance.   Don't get me started on how bad that was.  It just didn't feel believeable, and the dialogue was about as natural as an oral bowel movement.  Especially the fireside moment.  That was painful to listen to.

I'd go into it more, but I'm kinda tired at the moment of writing this.  All in all, Episode 2 was better than Episode 1, but that's not saying much.  Episode 3 makes up for these two pieces of shit, and then the original saga is George Lucas' best work in Star Wars to date.  I'll get to those in the next few days.
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New movie review [Aug. 2nd, 2009|12:16 pm]
[Tags|]
[Current Mood | apathetic]

Today, I am going to review the WORST Star Wars movie ever made, and I'm not talking about that animated Clone Wars movie.  I'm talking about the 1999 crapfest known as Episode 1: The Phantom Menace. 

This movie was awful.  The action was dull, the characters were boring, and the plot was stupid.  I mean, the second line talks about a tax on trade routes.  Now, how is that exciting?

I'm not going to really go into the plot, because let's face it, everybody and their brother has seen this piece of shit in the last 10 years.  I will however, talk about the few things I liked, and the many things I didn't like.

First off, the many things I didn't like.  Now, I saw this movie when I was 16, so I was able to pick apart the movie back then.  It was so obvious that Padme, the supposed decoy, was Queen Amidala.  So many moments, especially on Tattooine, that just screamed "I AM Queen Amidala!"

And Jake Lloyd.  Ooh, Jake Lloyd.  His dialogue was annoying.  Now, I understand it wasn't his fault; George Lucas' dialogue is about as natural as an oral bowel movement, so you can't completely blame the kid for what he had to say.  But Jake Lloyd was supposed to do 2 things as Anakin Skywalker; show his innocence and his capabilities.  And Jake Lloyd does neither.  His "innocence" moments just seem...too rehearsed.  And that "Are you and angel?" line is so bad that it was actually spoofed in KOTOR 2.

"Are you an angel?Aw, I'm just kidding. That's the worst line I've ever used. Hope some poor kid doesn't start using it." -Atton Rand

Next, is midiclorians.  I know that midiclorians are based on mitochondria, but it's still stupid.  Midiclorians create a scientific explanation for something that should remain mystical.  News Flash Lucas; the universe you create is NOT Earth, and shouldn't be treated as such.  You created alien races and planets that couldn't possibly exist in reality, (Coruscant, the planet that is completely city), and you feel the need to create the midiclorians?  Why?

Third; Jar Jar.  Anyone who knows me knows how much I hate Jar Jar.  He's annoying, he's clumsy, he's offensive at times in his stereotypes, and he is braindead.  I mean, even in his "comedy relief" role, he fails.  Nothing he does is funny.  But, I don't hate him nearly as much as I used to, because of a webcomic, Darth and Droids.  It does a retelling of the movies, but as a pen and paper role playing game.  And in that game, Jar Jar is played by a little girl.  And, then it hit me; Jar Jar wasn't created by George Lucas; it was created by one of his kids, most likely one of the younger ones; Katie or Jett.

Fourth, the action, or lack there of.  Well, I should say good action sequences, because there's plenty of crap.  The only good action scenes I can think of are the pod race, and the initial battle between Qui-Gonn and Darth Maul on Tattooine.  Everything else is sub-par.

Now, there are some good things.  First off is Ian McDiarmid, who is awesome as Palpatine.  McDiarmid's performance as Palpatine shows shades of what he is to become, and who he truly is, but at the same time, maintaining the benevolence needed for his role as a Senator, and later, Chancellor.  And his performance as Darth Sidious is wonderful.  Even though George Lucas' dialogue is awful, McDiarmid makes it work.  The entire Star Wars movie saga hinges on him, and he carries it perfectly.

Next, R2-D2.  As with Palpatine, a lot of moments hinge on R2.  Where other characters would seem forced into a role, R2 fits perfectly. 

Even 3PO is there, and is awesome.  He performs the role that Jar Jar fails at perfectly; comedic relief.  It's just too bad he isn't in more of the movie, because he is always funny.

All in all, this movie is a definite miss when it comes to George Lucas' storytelling.  In my opinion, this one can be passed and still get an awesome story.  Hell, not watching this one elevates the rest of the saga.

My best friend, when he introduces Star Wars to his daughter, is going to go with the original trilogy, then Episodes 2 and 3, forgoing Episode 1 until she is old enough to see just why this one is so bad.

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Commentary on Sex Drives [Jul. 28th, 2009|12:52 pm]
[Current Mood | irritated]

Sex.  The one thing that drives humanity.  After we hit puberty, we all want to have sex.

But, at a glance, there seems to be a difference between how often men want to have sex, and how often women want to have sex.

From what I've seen, teenage girls want to get laid as much as teenage boys.  But, as a woman gets older, her sex drive appears to taper off.  Why is that?

Here's my theory; most men only care about getting themselves off, and they see foreplay as an obstacle to that.  Most men are willing to do enough foreplay to get his woman wet enough so it doesn't feel like his dick is thrusting through a cheese grater. 

But, to a woman, foreplay is the best part, and penetration is simply the icing on the cake.  When aroused, a woman's body gets hypersensitive, and the right touch in the right place can drive her simply wild.  To her, doing the right thing at the right time is far better than just getting her pussy fucked.

Which brings me to a quasi-review.(Only a quasi review, because I haven't read the book yet, but I will when I'm done with these fucking math classes.)  My dad has a book called "The One Hour Orgasm: How to learn the Amazing 'Venus Butterfly' technique".  It is written by 2 Ph.D.s, Doctors Bob and Leah Schwartz.  It tells how make sex better for both men and women.  I'm going to focus on the "for the gentlemen" portion of the back cover info for a moment. 
  • It tells a man how to thoroughly satisfy her every time
  • How to increase the frequency of sex by making sex better for her (There isn't a straight man in the world who wouldn't want to increase the frequency he gets laid)
  • How to turn her on without any effort on her part
  • Multiply the intensity and duration of her orgasms

Now, I haven't read this, but my father has.  And ever since his divorce 14 years ago, he has had sex with a lot of women, and they've all said he's the best lover they've ever had, and that he's spoiled her on other men.  Every single woman he's had sex with since my mother has said this, because he's followed the teachings of that book.

So, guys, you're the reason women don't want to have sex as often as you do; because you don't make sex a pleasurable experience for her.  And women, look for someone who can make sex a wonderful experience, like my dad, and eventually me.  Neither side will regret making sex better. 

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Change to my journal [Jul. 16th, 2009|12:53 pm]
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[Current Mood | cheerful]

Since I've pretty much stopped adding news, and I've been adding more commentaries, I've decided to change the name of my journal to "Hitokiri's rants, commentaries and reviews."  I'm going to post reviews on things both nostalgic and modern.

Today's review is on Batman Begins.  Now, Batman Begins reminds me a lot of Tim Burton's Batman, affectionately called Batman 89.  Both are as dark as Batman is supposed to be.  Batman's world is supposed to be a distopian world where the only ray of light is a man who dresses like a bat. 

As the name implies, Batman Begins is about the origins of Batman.  I liked how Ra's al Ghul was the one who taught Batman, because they are so much alike.  Both want to save the world, but they have different methods on how to do it.  Ra's wants to save the world by eliminating most of humanity.  And, in all honesty, I agree with him.  There are far too many people on this earth, and most of them are too stupid to realize they are a leech on this planet's resources.  But I digress.

Batman is the same way, but he is unwilling to take any human life.  Batman knows he's fighting a losing battle against the self-destruction of humanity, but he still gets up at night and fights.  Batman is an inspiration to those of us who see trying to fix what's wrong with humanity pointless.

Now, for the characters; I'm not too fond of the love interest.  Rachel Dawes, while important to the plot, didn't sit too well to me, and I don't know why.  The love story just felt....wrong.  But then again, the love stories from Batman 89 and Batman Returns felt wrong as well.  Batman's not supposed to have a love life, for the same reason I've always thought Robin was stupid; Batman's a loner, a man who wages a one man war on crime, sacrificing everything so he can avenge his parents.

The Scarecrow is always an awesome villian, and Batman Begins fails to disappoint on him.  I love how he just fucks with people's heads and plays on people's primal fears.  Jonathan Crane is awesome in this movie.

I also like what they do with Jim Gordon in this movie.  Gordon is a good cop, and like Batman, he wants to do the right thing.  But, for the longest time, there was no way for him to do the right thing.  Until Batman comes along.  Batman gives hope to good people, and brings fear into the hearts of bad people.  Good cops like Gordon are inspired to do the right thing and speak out, while bad cops, like Gordon's partner, are finally put in their place and do their jobs for once.

As for Batman himself, Christian Bale's portrayal of the Dark Knight is awesome.  Christian Bale's version of Batman reminds me a lot of Michael Keaton's Batman; as Wayne, he's creepy and not all there, and as Batman, he's dark and scary.  He's not silly at all like Adam West, Val Kilmer, or George Clooney.  A man who has dedicated his life to fighting crime as a masked vigilante is not going to be funny or personable; no matter what mask he wears, he's always going to be not all there.  Bale was awesome as Batman.  the only thing I didn't like about his portrayal is nitpicking; the voice Bale gave Batman.  Don't get me wrong, that deep, guteral voice that Bale gave Batman would be terrifing to the people he faced, but the voice sounded...forced.  It didn't sound natural for the voice Bale gave Wayne.  I honestly believe the person who did the dichotomy of Batman/Bruce Wayne's voice was Kevin Conroy, the man who voiced Batman for the Batman: The Animated Series in the early 90s.

What I really like is how it ends; with the introduction of a Joker card, leading into the sequel, The Dark Knight.

All in all, Batman Begins helps me forget the stain that Joel Schumacher put on the Batman franchise with Batman Forever, and *shudder* Batman & Robin.  Here's hoping that Christopher Nolan continues to follow suite with future Batman movies in the same vein as Batman Begins and The Dark Knight.

Pretty soon, I'm going to review The Dark Knight, as well as some of my favorite video games, books, comic books, toys, websites, and bands.  Hopefully, doing this will get me to make more frequent updates to my livejournal.

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Commentary on Michael Jackson [Jul. 8th, 2009|04:33 pm]
[Current Mood | annoyed]

Now that's he's dead and buried and I've heard all the "Dead Michael Jackson" jokes, I'm going to give my commentary on this.

Now, in all honesty, I don't care about celebrities too much.  But, since all I've been hearing about is Michael Jackson, I've been forced to form an opinion.

Now, most people want to ignore that he has not once, but twice been accused being a child molester and a pedophile.  Even if he never molested a child, even if he wasn't sexually interested in children, he was doing enough wrong things with kids for those accusations to be taken seriously. 

And the whole "plastic surgery and skin lightening" thing that has popped up over the years.  He morphed from a black man to a white woman in the course of 20 years.  Now, whether or not he was actually allergic to the sun or not, we can't deny that was on the minds of the world for years as well.

And don't get me started on the narcissistic movie Moonwalker.  That proved that Michael Jackson was completely into himself.

Why am I bringing up all this negativity regarding Michael Jackson?  Because that shouldn't be forgotten any more than his cultural impact.  Michael Jackson made great music for 40 years, and his impact on the music video is incredible.  He changed the way we look at music.

Michael Jackson was a human being, just like you and me.  He was just as screwed up as  you and I.  But his fucked up things were televised; ours weren't.  Never forget that.  Remember the bad things AND the good things, not just one or the other.  Just because he's dead does not mean he isn't free from being judged.

So, I leave this commentary with a quote from Transformers: Beast Wars.

"Tell my tale to those who ask.  Tell it truly, the ill deeds along with the good, and let me be judged accordingly.  The rest is silence..."

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New story [Jun. 19th, 2009|07:12 pm]
[Current Mood | anxious]

I just posted a retelling of the Mass Effect game.  It tells the story of Annah Shepard, a woman who was wired with the L3 biotic implant at 16, shortly before the Mindoir raid.  However, the what happened during the raid caused Shepard to unintentionally put a block on her biotic abilities to where she can't lift anything heavier than a coffee cup.  She's forced to live her life and do her military career without her biotics, but she continually tries to get them back.  I'll detail her attempts during the story, but Shepard will regain her biotics and will begin training with Liara, Kaidan and Wrex and have the biotic capability of the Vanguard class in the game.

Anyway, I will add some things that the game couldn't do and still appeal to a general population; a lot of glossed over paperwork, customs and courtesies and a lot of military jargon.  I had a LOT of moments in the game where I went  “THAT’S NOT THE WAY IT WORKS!”, and it drives me crazy every time I see those moments.  Hence, me writing this story.

Check it out, and enjoy.

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